I've been so remiss in writing, but now that school is out for the winter break, I'm hoping to post a few updates:)
Since this summer, my health has been SO up and down. Part of this was caused by a bad experience with a doctor who put me on some supplements that completely threw my sleep, heart rate, and hormones out of whack. I quickly fired him. Thankfully, I just started working with a two new practitioners and I absolutely love both of them. Together we are making progress, but it is slow. As I noted in this post, I've nailed down the diet aspect of healing, but it has become so clear to me that autoimmune remission is NOT just about what you eat. Healing has to be holistic; healing has to happen on an emotional and spiritual level as well. My focus the past several months has been on two things: getting quality sleep and extending compassion to myself. Two years ago I would have scornfully laughed at myself for giving such weight to two seemingly simple and "weak" concepts. Who needs sleep?? I would have thought. Self-compassion is for the feeble, would have been my retort. But now, I am learning they are key components to progressing in the healing process. Food and diet changes can only do so much. And speaking of healing on an emotional level, let me tell you (or perhaps as a fellow AIP'er you already know), the holidays with food allergies can be quite emotional. Cue the scene from this past Thanksgiving where I stormed out of my parents house in tears when I realized I had acccidentally used regular eggs instead of the organic, soy-free eggs I had needed in my Paleo Pumpkin Pie. Or the scene from last Christmas when I walked into my grandmother's house trying to hold it together because it was the first Christmas since my grandfather had passed and when I realized I wouldn't get to eat any of the Christmas cookies she had been making me the past 3 decades, I burst into tears in the bathroom. It already didn't feel like Christmas without my grandfather there to bless the food-- it was so unfair I couldn't even console myself with the familiar comfort of my grandmother's cookies. This holiday season, I'm not a rookie when it comes to facing a comforting, yet dangerous buffet full of nostalgic SAD food that would send me into a major flare. I've learned some recipes. But I've also learned some things I need to practice in order to focus on the joy of the holiday season. 1. Assess and address your stress Looking back at last Christmas, I was really crying in the bathroom because of my grandfather. But the cookies were just the last straw. So all my emotions got rolled into one. The holidays are emotional whether you are dealing with chronic illness or not. So it is really important to step back and discern where your emotions are coming from--assess. Here's why: if you are stressed because of difficult relatives or sad because of the loss of someone and you project that energy onto your food related issues, it adds to a negative perception of food. And we know it is important that we view food as agents of healing. In addition, you can't deal with the stress if you don't accurately assess where it is coming from. Yes, maybe you are upset because your mother-in-law insists it is safe if you "Just eat ONE bite" of gluten-filled stuffing, but try to separate your frustration with her from your anxiety over the stuffing. Once you've assessed, you need to address your stress. Take a step back. Maybe your relatives are insensitive. Maybe they make you feel horrible about not being able to eat everything. Or maybe they are well meaning and try to be supportive, but they don't know how. Regardless, that stress should be dealt with separately. Then consider your food-related stress. Maybe you are sad because you can't eat a favorite dish anymore. Maybe you are anxious because you are cooking all new AIP recipes for yourself/family. Recognize where your feelings are coming from to prevent family-related stress from compounding your food-related stress (even though sometimes one is fueling the other!!). 2. Reframe your feelings So you might be thinking, how the heck to I address those stresses at all, much less separately? The answer: reframe your feelings. As I mentioned earlier, I had an "egg-debacle" in which I stormed out of the house. That was due to using the wrong eggs, but it was also fueled by the fact that I was angry I was having to make so many dishes for a family gathering just to ensure I could eat something. I was having a pity party that I had to spend so much time cooking, even though I actually like cooking. Then I realized, I need to frame the situation this way: I have the opportunity to share something healthy with the people I love. Yes, it kind of sucks having to cook all this just so I can eat, but my food can help my body AND be my contribution to my family. What a blessed opportunity I have to share. For me, food used to be "the main event" at family gatherings. Whenever I'd arrive at my grandmother's house, I'd check out what was going on in the kitchen (and ya'll, it was always SO freaking good). So instead of mourning the fact that there's so much I can't eat, I should consider the new "main event" focusing on what is really important-- spending time with the people I love (which is honestly what it should have been in the first place). I get to make food the peripheral, and people the primary, which is actually how it should be. 3. Indulge your sweet tooth, not your fears This is really two pieces of advice. The first-- indulge your sweet tooth. Plan ahead. This year I made Christmas cookies for my students and I was so, so sad I couldn't taste any of them. I wanted to try some so badly and I am not usually tempted by SAD desserts. Instead, I made a run to the grocery store to get some NadaMoo ice cream and let myself have half a pint, guilt free. I don't do that every time I want to and it certainly shouldn't be a habit, but I recognized I needed a little self-compassion and that getting through all these holiday treats without eating even one was a challenge. With the NadaMoo, I don't feel like I am totally deprived and my cravings for the SAD desserts are mitigated. When it comes to food at family gatherings, plan delicious recipes for yourself ahead of time. This past Thanksgiving, I made some brussel sprouts with bacon jam for myself. BACON JAM. I didn't even care what else was at the buffet because BACON JAM. There was NO self-depravation there. The holidays are the time to indulge so plan SMARTLY for it. Secondly, don't indulge your fears. I am not saying to disregard your fears. They are VALID. I know what it is like when people disregard your fears or make you feel stupid for being so overly cautious about food choices. It is normal to have fear-related food when your body has seemingly betrayed you. When a spoonful of the wrong ingredient will flood your joints with swelling and pain. When cross contamination will give you two weeks of brain fog and send you running for the bathroom. When a simple cooking mistake gives you a debilitating migraine. So your fears are valid. But don't let them run the show. Be cautious and vigilant but not paranoid. This past Thanksgiving, all I could think about before we ate was what happens if someone mixes up the serving spoons-- they get themselves some stuffing and then reach for my AIP sweet potatoes? It was all I could think about until we ate. And guess what? There was no cross contamination. But in my head, the fear ran away with me. The fear triggered a stress response and STOLE 45 minutes of my focus. The "what if" fears damage our body's immune systems too, and sometimes fear can be just as detrimental as unsafe foods. 4. Look for ways to practice gratitude For many people, myself included, the holidays focus on food. As I have been preparing for the holidays this year, I've looked for ways to appreciate the other aspects of the holidays. I bought matching gift wrapping that is color coordinated and found joy in how beautiful my gifts look under my tree. I found a new Christmas wreath I love and every time I drive up to my house, I admire how it matches perfectly (you can see my OCD tendencies here:). But I also so thankful for the fact that as soon as my grandmother learned about my food allergies, she bought a big jar of coconut oil to use when she cooks for me. That simple act of consideration still brings tears to my eyes. Or the fact that my mom went to a different grocery store just to get special ingredients for me to cook with when I was at her house. For people with chronic illness, the holidays can be hard, but it is also a time to have gratitude for the gifts we have in others who are helping us in this journey and the grace and compassion we can extend to ourselves.
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AuthorWrite something about yourself. No need to be fancy, just an overview. Archives
January 2017
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